Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
