What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Randomize
