that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
vagina is talking i cant
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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