She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
