I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
