That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize