So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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