i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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