Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize