Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Your penis caused this!
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