I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
