don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
