you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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