did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
