If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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