carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
