in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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