dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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