shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
And then he peed in my hair
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
