Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
