In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize