Nicole vs. Life
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
