I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
