Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
