I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
