all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
