I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
