Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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