dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize