I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize