She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
