I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
