I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
