i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
