I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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