my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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