ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
