I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
