Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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