Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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