You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
