so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just google imaged poop.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
