the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
