Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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