i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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