Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
