Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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