i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
