Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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