That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
