apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
