So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize