Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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