Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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