oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
