im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
