Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
