i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
