At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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