honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
