So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
