u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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