just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
