you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
