She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I want to walk on stilts...naked
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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