is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
