Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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