and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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