she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
