i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Boobs are out for the taking
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
