i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize