And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
