I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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