He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
