Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
