A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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