The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
